Dear Sayu,

A Letter to my Late Dog,

Jade M.

--

Photo by the author

Dear Sayu,

Today was the first day when I woke up without you. It was the first time in thirteen years that I didn’t start my day by taking you out to potty. I didn’t get to relax with you while I drank my coffee and watched TikTok or played video games. I didn’t get to listen to your sweet doggy snores or share my pillow with you.

Now is the first time I’ve pulled out my laptop and written anything without you by my side. I used to call you my little editor because I knew you were silently rooting for me to do well with whatever I was working on. I know you’d be rooting for me now, and maybe you still are.

I know the mornings will be the hardest because that was our lazy time. I’d even set my alarm a half-hour early on workdays so that I could sit with you I before got ready for work. I wouldn’t trade those mornings for anything, in fact, I wish I could have just one more.

When I go back to work, I know I’ll be facing more firsts, like the first time I return to a home without you in it. I no longer get to vent to you and stroke your fur if I’ve had a hard day. I don’t get to buy you a toy for Valentine’s Day, your birthday, Halloween, or Christmas anymore. I don’t get to curl up next to you and play Pokémon while you nap. I’ll never see you do a head tilt when I mention ‘snacks’ again. I’ll also never be able to watch a movie and cuddle with you again.

I won’t get to top off your food and water bowls before I leave or tell you that I love you. Bil-Jac and Greenies are no longer on my shopping list. I won’t be able to get you another pup cup when I go to Starbucks, and they’ll be no more trips to PetSmart on your behalf. I won’t get to bring you out throughout the day, and I won’t get to hear your excited barks when I return home.

You used to love watching me apply my makeup. You were my number one fan, my little senior citizen, and now you’re gone. The beat-up reading pillow where you used to sit is empty now, but I can’t bring myself to get rid of it.

I’ll never again know the feeling of your little paw grabbing my hand when I stop petting you. I won’t see your adorable face poking out from under the blankets again. I’ll no longer have to take my clothes back from you because you’re…

--

--

Jade M.

Jade is a Louisiana based author who loves video games and usually writes about experiences she has. https://linktr.ee/jmcculloch120